Last night, at the soccer field, I had a friend come up and give me hug. We started talking about the surgery, and how things were going, and I got a little teary-eyed. Well, we all know I take the crazy pill (Zoloft - not a MAJOR crazy pill, just a wee little one), and the crazy pill doesn't let me cry very much. I was surprised, by the tears. But I was also so blessed by this visit with Christe', because we just don't have time to hang out. She made my night, and promised to pray for me. Especially on Monday, the pre-surgery, massive-dose of antibiotics on a clear liquid diet, drink a bottle of laxative day. (As she pointed out, I will need a LOT of prayer intervention on that day!)
Then, I woke up tearful AGAIN this morning. Listening to the radio made me get teary, talking to the kids coming into school made me teary. Weird, right? Nothing emotional at all. So, I take my teary-eyed self on over to Tupelo High School, and when I pull up I hear the announcement to start dismissing for the Black History program. Well, fiddlesticks! Everyone on campus would be there. So, I was a little frustrated/annoyed/angry. Then, I went to the program, and was so touched. The speaker was awesome, and guess what - I was crying again! Well, then I had a student think it was fun to be silly and act a fool, so I lit into him! I was so mad, and he knew it. He got a good "talking to" from Mrs. Reid today!
Then, I maybe leveled out a little. I even smiled and laughed some. And headed on to NMMC for my pre-op appointment. (FYI - I was very impressed with the efficiency today!). Then, it was time for the after school rat-race. I picked up the kiddos, and Sadie was upset about school. Well, 5th grade has not been our best year, and she was more upset than I have seen her yet, so this time, I got angry AND cried! Off to allergy shots, then a quick trip to see Dan. All of this before 5:15, when it was time to go to church, where I am teaching the lesson. Yeah - the lesson I haven't even read yet. That one.
As I drive up, my phone rings, and it is Dr. Pinson's office. They want me to come in for another weight check tomorrow, because I my BMI is still a little higher than they really want it to be when they do the surgery. The nurse practitioner says we might have to postpone. All of this as I am sitting in the van in the church parking lot. Yep - you guessed it. I was crying again. This totally freaked me out. My mother-in-law has taken off work to come stay with the kids, Dan has taken off to be with me, I have the house keeper coming, the insurance papers/FMLA papers are filled out, the pre-op is done. I am nearly through with my lists. I CANNOT postpone this surgery. I have made plans. (I guess the key word there is "I")
Now - to the title... (Background - our Wednesday night Bible study is called Truth Trackers). Tonight's lesson is on Joshua, the Strong and Courageous Truth Tracker. I start reading the lesson, and the tears start again. Tonight's verse was Joshua 1:9, "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go."
It seems that Joshua was scared (I am) and that God reminded him several times, "Be strong and courageous." Another verse that we talked about was Deuteronomy 31:6. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Wow. He will never forsake me. Hmm... Even if my surgery is changed, God won't forsake me. Nice thought. The analogy tonight was that of a cake (Really? Cake? And we had chocolate chip cookies for a snack. And I didn't eat a one!)
Cake Analogy: You have to follow a recipe, to make a "successful" cake.
Ingredients:
1. Cake Mix - The mix of the trinity. The cake mix consists of flour, sugar, and baking soda. 3 things. Like God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.
2. Oil - the Anointing Oil of the Holy Spirit. You need oil to give the cake the right consistency. We need the anointing oil of the Holy Spirit to give us consistent direction and instruction.
3. Eggs- Wisdom. You need eggs to make the recipe stick together, otherwise you would end up with a flat mess. We need wisdom to complete God's tasks.
4. Water - Righteousness. The cake needs water. We need water. Water to wash away our sins, so that we can do what God asks of us.
5. Chocolate Chips - Trust. Chocolate chips look small, but they are what makes the cake special. We may feel small, but we make things special. We may not think we can do a mighty thing, but we have to trust God so that he can work through us.
6. Finally - All of these things are great. Mixed together, you have a great recipe. But it is not a cake yet. In order to become a cake, it must go through the hot oven. Just like us. Sometimes, God need us to go through the fire, the trials, in order to learn to trust Him.
In Romans 5:3-5, it says. "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Now, what does this "cake" have to do with me? What about Joshua? He was called to lead the Israelites, not lose weight. Well, Joshua was strong. I think I am strong. Joshua was scared. Yeah, me too. And God promised not to leave Joshua. Well, He promised me that too. Joshua had to face the fire. And now, I am having to face the fire. God may not want this surgery to be on Tuesday. He has His reasons. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Key word there - God has plans. They are probably a little better than mine, as He knows my future, and I don't.
Now, that is not to say the surgery is cancelled or postponed. I just have to go in for another weight check tomorrow. I am praying that if he feels the surgery is safe, and that I have lost enough (or will, once I start the liquids), that things will go on as planned. But, I right now, the oven is on 350, and I am starting to bake. I will not let this derail me. God has brought me this far, He will take me the rest of the way. That said, I am going to say my prayers and go to sleep.
Oh, and another God thing - He has placed so many encouraging people in my path in the last 24 hours it is unbelievable! My phone has been ringing all day, and lots of texts of support. Oh, and my church friends, who let me vent and cry! Evidently, God placed me on some hearts today. Just one more way to praise Him! (Thanks, Audrey, Amy, Kerri, Atonya, and Terri). I am blessed. It will happen in His time, not mine.
I will update again tomorrow, when I know more.
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