Love. The last 3 days have been focused on love. Mentions of the word abound. But what is love? Is it one thing, that fits nicely in a box? No, like most of the good things in life, it is not. But I am really feeling convicted about love, and my ways of showing and interpreting love.
According to Merriam-Webster, love is:
a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (maternal love for a child)
(2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
(3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>
b : an assurance of affection <give her my love>
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love>
b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment
(2) British —used as an informal term of address
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as
(1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind
(2) : brotherly concern for others
b : a person's adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 : an amorous episode : love affair
7 : the sexual embrace : copulation
8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)
Wow. That is a lot. Love is a BIG thing in our world. We use the word all the time. For instance, Sadie and I LOVE this new coffee creamer I found. I LOVE my new earrings. But, is it the kind of word to throw around? And I think it is great that we have a holiday to celebrate it. However, I strongly feel that it is something we need to address every day. Just like we should feel the awe that Jesus died for us every day, the amazement that God sent him to us as a baby in a manger, and the thankfulness for all of our many blessings.
However, I do watch television, movies, and I am involved in social media. I realize that this doesn't happen for everyone. Not everyone has a spouse who makes every day feel like Valentine's Day, or are blessed with children who are generally sweet and good-hearted. Not everyone is blessed to have had an awesome mother, and two more women who you like they are your own, to still be a "Daddy's girl" at 40 years old, to have had step-dads that accept you and your family as their own. Not everyone knew the love of 4 great-grandparents, a plethora of aunts and uncles, and a multitude of cousins. That is not counting the friends who were made in elementary school, and are still there today.
There is a lot of hurt in this world, and I have decided I don't want to contribute. I want to be a person of love. I have started a Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study again, and I love it (see, I did it right there - without even thinking about it!). (Now, I must admit, I am behind, but I am saving all of the emails!) We are reading iKeep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All by Karen Ehman. It is fabulous! I am learning so much.
Some truths this book has pointed out to me so far are:
1) Our words are powerful, and they have consequences. Well, this is like a slap in the face. I found out this morning that I said something to one of my dearest friends over 8 months ago, and hurt her horribly. I didn't intend to do it. I was sick at the time, and evidently, very thoughtless. So, for 8 months, this friend has suffered. And I have suffered too, because there has been a rift in our friendship, and I didn't know what caused it. Well, now I do, and to you whom I hurt, I apologize. I promise I never intended my words to hurt you.
2) Our tongue is a dangerous weapon. In James 3: 5-6 (HCSB), it says "So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites. And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is set on fire by hell." I mean, how many times do we spout off, and then wish we could take it back? Um, for me...about 10 times a day! I am sarcastic, and that is not always a good thing. In James 3: 7-8, it says, "Every sea creature, reptile, bird, or animal is tamed and has been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." Yes, every animal can be tamed - but not MY tongue. This is a fact I know personally. James goes on to tell us, in verses 9-12, that a well cannot produce both sweet and bitter water, just like our tongue. We cannot spew words of praise one moment, and words of hurt the next. That doesn't work. And it doesn't show Jesus's love.
3) The words that come from out of our mouth have to come from our hearts first. Now, I have heard (and believed) this for years. If you say something jokingly that is hurtful, there is a grain of truth in there somewhere. It is how you feel in your heart. In Luke 6:45, Jesus HIMSELF says, "A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart."Basically, words are not accidental, and in the above mentioned episode of hurt feelings, I must have had some bad feelings in my heart. And it hurts to say that, but I will admit it, and ask forgiveness.
4) How I use my words can often be traced back to the time I spend (or don't spend) with God. That is pretty self-explanatory. I need to spend time with God in order to be attuned to the Holy Spirit when He taps on my heart to tell me to be quiet. (Oh, if God would just use Duck Tape on my lips I would be much better off!)
Those 4 life truths were revealed to me in Chapter 1! And Chapter 2 got even better...
I am a person who makes her living by talking to people. I talk all day, every day. But I need to learn to listen, and to keep my mouth shut. I don't want my words to hurt the people I come in contact with daily. I want my husband and children to think of loving words. I want my friends to hear loving words. I want people to think of me, and love and kindness. And I believe that is what Jesus wants from us. When I spew words of unkindness, words of hatred, or words of judgement, it is coming from my heart. And I need to work on that.
So, to anyone I have hurt with my words, I am so sorry! Pray for me, and my ability to keep it shut when I should!
Blessings to you all...
Jolie
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Losses and Losses
So, this post will possibly (ok, PROBABLY...yeah, yeah - DEFINITELY) be more scattered than usual. I haven't posted in a while, and I have a lot of questions to answer, and a few things I just want to share with you.
First - The title. You see, I have learned in the past 8 weeks that there are losses, and then there are LOSSES. Yes, there are losses on the scale (Hallelujah!), but you know what, there are a lot more losses too... Good ones, and not so good ones.
Not so good losses: (in no particular order)
#1. I feel loss for Diet Pepsi. Yes, I KNOW that is stupid, but I do. There is the loss of being able to walk into a store and go right to "your drink." It stinks. I drink water now 95% of the time. But sometimes a girl needs something else, and water with lemon is lacking at times. I have found that I like purple G2, and the lemon Vitamin Water Zero, but I can never find them in a convenience store, so if you see me out with a cooler, please know I am BYOB'ing my G2 or water!
#2. I feel loss for eating as much as I want. This is a biggie. I didn't get to be my size by NOT loving food. I feel like I have always been pretty upfront about that. And they tell you that it can be an issue, but hearing and KNOWING are 2 different things. There are actually 2 aspects to this loss. First, there is the "I really like this and I want to eat more of it" side. I.e. - At Sunday brunch at KOK - I LOVED everything I ate. However, I was only able to eat 1-2 bites of each thing. And I was sad, disappointed, and a little mad. The Chinese buffet is torture, because who wants to eat 1 tiny piece of chicken, when there is A MILLION OTHER THINGS TO TRY! Second, there is the loss of actually eating. I know I only get a few bites every few hours, or I'll be sick, so I weigh my options very carefully. If I don't LOVE it, I don't want to eat it! Who wants to waist any of that 2 ounces on something that is just so-so? Not this girl, I tell you.
#3. I feel loss for meal times with my family. Dinner is an area I struggle with. I do pretty good most days, but at dinner, I don't always feel like eating. However, I have decided I am going to cook healthy and eat with my family. But, it really isn't "fun" to eat anymore. I have to force myself to sit at the table after I finish eating. In fact, they are occasionally still trying to get seconds when I am already up clearing the table. However, I will say that I am making progress in this area. When I first had surgery, it irritated the stew out of me for anyone to have to stop and eat.
#4. I feel loss for the ability to take a pill when my head hurts. Yes, I can still take one, but I'm not supposed to take ibuprofen, and acetaminophen doesn't really work. Plus, I have to time when I can take a pill so that it won't be too much in my stomach at one time. Yes, even a small pill can be too much and push me over the edge. I haven't thrown up yet, but the one time I really wanted to, I had taken my medicine after eating and it was too much!
#5. I feel a loss for bacon. I fixed bacon for the kids for breakfast this morning, and decided I would try some. Well, it was not my friend today. Now, I have had a few little bites here and there, but today I went for a whole piece. That was not the thing for me to do. I have had a tummy ache all day now. Bacon, I don't know why you would do a girl like that...I've been true to you! Oh well, I guess I'll try it again later, and if I don't do better, I will bid bacon goodbye!
Good Losses:
#1. Pounds! At the last "official" doctor's visit, I had lost 36# since Thanksgiving. I am averaging 3+# a week. BUT...I don't lose 3# every week. I have found that there is a lot that influences my weight, not eating enough calories, not eating enough protein, not drinking enough water, how much I exercise etc. So, I may lose 8# in 1 week, then nothing for 3. But, as long as the overall trend is downward, I am good.
#2. Inches! Sometimes, I am not losing "pounds" like I think I should, but I have noticed that I am losing inches. At the last "official" visit, I had lost 7 inches. I can tell it in my clothes a lot some days. In fact, I had to buy some "soft pants" to wear around the house/gym last weekend. I previously wore a 4x, and at surgery time I could wear a 3x. I bought a 2x this time, and they fit great. I don't have to un-button my jeans to put them on now. :)
To answer the question I get from everyone, I am doing great. I am the poster-child for a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. My post-op recovery has been great, and I have had not really had any major complications (except this recent bacon catastrophe). I have learned how to get my protein, water, and vitamins in at work. I don't feel deprived most days. And I would do it again in a heartbeat if I had to go back.
However, this weight loss is not the only area I have been journeying in lately. I have really been convicted by God to work on myself in so many other ways. We were blessed to spend most of last weekend at a family conference at our church, and I learned so much. However, I will have to post on that next time...I am sleepy, and now that I am old (Yes, I turned 40 on Monday). Let's just say, God is speaking to my soul now! I remember a song from my childhood that states it best:
He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me!
Until next time....
First - The title. You see, I have learned in the past 8 weeks that there are losses, and then there are LOSSES. Yes, there are losses on the scale (Hallelujah!), but you know what, there are a lot more losses too... Good ones, and not so good ones.
Not so good losses: (in no particular order)
#1. I feel loss for Diet Pepsi. Yes, I KNOW that is stupid, but I do. There is the loss of being able to walk into a store and go right to "your drink." It stinks. I drink water now 95% of the time. But sometimes a girl needs something else, and water with lemon is lacking at times. I have found that I like purple G2, and the lemon Vitamin Water Zero, but I can never find them in a convenience store, so if you see me out with a cooler, please know I am BYOB'ing my G2 or water!
#2. I feel loss for eating as much as I want. This is a biggie. I didn't get to be my size by NOT loving food. I feel like I have always been pretty upfront about that. And they tell you that it can be an issue, but hearing and KNOWING are 2 different things. There are actually 2 aspects to this loss. First, there is the "I really like this and I want to eat more of it" side. I.e. - At Sunday brunch at KOK - I LOVED everything I ate. However, I was only able to eat 1-2 bites of each thing. And I was sad, disappointed, and a little mad. The Chinese buffet is torture, because who wants to eat 1 tiny piece of chicken, when there is A MILLION OTHER THINGS TO TRY! Second, there is the loss of actually eating. I know I only get a few bites every few hours, or I'll be sick, so I weigh my options very carefully. If I don't LOVE it, I don't want to eat it! Who wants to waist any of that 2 ounces on something that is just so-so? Not this girl, I tell you.
#3. I feel loss for meal times with my family. Dinner is an area I struggle with. I do pretty good most days, but at dinner, I don't always feel like eating. However, I have decided I am going to cook healthy and eat with my family. But, it really isn't "fun" to eat anymore. I have to force myself to sit at the table after I finish eating. In fact, they are occasionally still trying to get seconds when I am already up clearing the table. However, I will say that I am making progress in this area. When I first had surgery, it irritated the stew out of me for anyone to have to stop and eat.
#4. I feel loss for the ability to take a pill when my head hurts. Yes, I can still take one, but I'm not supposed to take ibuprofen, and acetaminophen doesn't really work. Plus, I have to time when I can take a pill so that it won't be too much in my stomach at one time. Yes, even a small pill can be too much and push me over the edge. I haven't thrown up yet, but the one time I really wanted to, I had taken my medicine after eating and it was too much!
#5. I feel a loss for bacon. I fixed bacon for the kids for breakfast this morning, and decided I would try some. Well, it was not my friend today. Now, I have had a few little bites here and there, but today I went for a whole piece. That was not the thing for me to do. I have had a tummy ache all day now. Bacon, I don't know why you would do a girl like that...I've been true to you! Oh well, I guess I'll try it again later, and if I don't do better, I will bid bacon goodbye!
Good Losses:
#1. Pounds! At the last "official" doctor's visit, I had lost 36# since Thanksgiving. I am averaging 3+# a week. BUT...I don't lose 3# every week. I have found that there is a lot that influences my weight, not eating enough calories, not eating enough protein, not drinking enough water, how much I exercise etc. So, I may lose 8# in 1 week, then nothing for 3. But, as long as the overall trend is downward, I am good.
#2. Inches! Sometimes, I am not losing "pounds" like I think I should, but I have noticed that I am losing inches. At the last "official" visit, I had lost 7 inches. I can tell it in my clothes a lot some days. In fact, I had to buy some "soft pants" to wear around the house/gym last weekend. I previously wore a 4x, and at surgery time I could wear a 3x. I bought a 2x this time, and they fit great. I don't have to un-button my jeans to put them on now. :)
To answer the question I get from everyone, I am doing great. I am the poster-child for a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. My post-op recovery has been great, and I have had not really had any major complications (except this recent bacon catastrophe). I have learned how to get my protein, water, and vitamins in at work. I don't feel deprived most days. And I would do it again in a heartbeat if I had to go back.
However, this weight loss is not the only area I have been journeying in lately. I have really been convicted by God to work on myself in so many other ways. We were blessed to spend most of last weekend at a family conference at our church, and I learned so much. However, I will have to post on that next time...I am sleepy, and now that I am old (Yes, I turned 40 on Monday). Let's just say, God is speaking to my soul now! I remember a song from my childhood that states it best:
He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me!
Until next time....
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Life on the Other Side
Today marks 3 weeks since my VSG surgery. (That's vertical sleeve gastrectomy to those who don't have to deal with this info on a daily basis.) Three weeks. 21 days. On the other side. Wow. I didn't think I would ever make it here.
The first thing people who see me that knew about the surgery asks me is, "How are you?" Well, let me tell you...I am great. Excellent, Awesome. Magnificent. Outstanding. This is how I expected to be in June. This is unbelievable. I feel "good." In fact, I have been waking up earlier than normal. I don't feel like napping very often. (Well, you have to let me have a few - I mean, it IS Christmas break!)
The second thing everyone asks is, "How much have you lost?" Well, that depends on when you count from. On my "official" papers at the doctor's office, I have lost 28 pounds in the time from November 28 through December 23. (That includes the pre-op diet time.) However, I have actually lost 78 pounds already since I began this journey in March 2013. That is almost one of my children.
However, I am a little bummed. Another weight-loss surgery word is "stall." It is used to indicate that your body is currently stuck, and not losing weight. Well, I am a member of multiple weight loss surgery support groups, and I have always been annoyed when people freak out about a stall early on. I mean, did they not realize that they have just lost a large amount of weight in a short time, did they not understand that your body thinks it is starving, and is trying to save itself? What is wrong with these people? Well, guess what....I am that person. I have been at the same weight for about 10 days now, and it is freaking me out! I am barely able to consume 100 calories at a time, and I am not losing weight? What is happening? Is it me? The truth is, no, it is not me. My body is in shock. I am living off of a maximum of 500-600 calories a day now. Science tells me that as long as I continue this, I will lose weight. It is inevitable. There is an equation: Calories needed for your body > calories you take in = weight loss. It is a proven fact. And, 28# in 25 days is not bad.
I am not going to lie, the "all liquid" stage was not fun. Not terrible, but not fun. I am not a "sweets in the morning" type person, and when you are living on protein shakes, sweet is what you get! But I made it. I have had LOTS and LOTS of soup. Tomato Basil is a new favorite of mine, along with loaded potato. In fact, if you have any questions about any the creamy, not chunky soups at any Tupelo restaurant, I can probably help you out. This stage lasted for nearly two weeks, and I have survived it! Not only did I survive it, we even ate out several times, and I had no trouble to speak of.
Stage 2 was next, and in that stage, I was allowed pureed type foods. Runny grits, thin oatmeal, thicker soups, refried beans, applesauce, etc. Let me tell you - mashed potatoes and refried beans have been my staples! And cheese. Cheese was added to this stage, and let me tell you - I have melted it in soups, on beans, and a few times in a bowl without anything else! Also, refried beans opened up another restaurant option for the family... Mexican. We love Mexican. So, we went, and I "fancied up" some refried beans with a tiny bit of salsa and cheese dip, and it was DIVINE! And I was happy. (Also, it should be noted that I am not even able to eat an entire order of refried beans. My capacity is about 1.5-2 ounces now.)
I was supposed to start stage 3 on January 1. However, I have already started doing a little experimenting. The stages blend together at some spots, and I am just doing the best I can. I have experimented some, but typically only once a day, then I go back to a tried and true food. For instance, last night I made chicken salad (and chopped it into a puree with my Pampered Chef Chopper). It was so good! And, as that is the closest thing to dense protein, I was disappointed in what I was able to eat. I had fixed myself a small condiment bowl of it, and wasn't able to eat half. It is great. I get full so quickly, and I really don't crave a lot of things at all. Today, I haven't really experimented, I am just eating tiny bites of chicken salad, since I know it worked well.
Basically, I am doing great. This is an awesome journey, and I am so proud that God chose to make me wait. I truly appreciate it more than I would have if this had been an easy process.
Love to all!
Jolie
The first thing people who see me that knew about the surgery asks me is, "How are you?" Well, let me tell you...I am great. Excellent, Awesome. Magnificent. Outstanding. This is how I expected to be in June. This is unbelievable. I feel "good." In fact, I have been waking up earlier than normal. I don't feel like napping very often. (Well, you have to let me have a few - I mean, it IS Christmas break!)
The second thing everyone asks is, "How much have you lost?" Well, that depends on when you count from. On my "official" papers at the doctor's office, I have lost 28 pounds in the time from November 28 through December 23. (That includes the pre-op diet time.) However, I have actually lost 78 pounds already since I began this journey in March 2013. That is almost one of my children.
However, I am a little bummed. Another weight-loss surgery word is "stall." It is used to indicate that your body is currently stuck, and not losing weight. Well, I am a member of multiple weight loss surgery support groups, and I have always been annoyed when people freak out about a stall early on. I mean, did they not realize that they have just lost a large amount of weight in a short time, did they not understand that your body thinks it is starving, and is trying to save itself? What is wrong with these people? Well, guess what....I am that person. I have been at the same weight for about 10 days now, and it is freaking me out! I am barely able to consume 100 calories at a time, and I am not losing weight? What is happening? Is it me? The truth is, no, it is not me. My body is in shock. I am living off of a maximum of 500-600 calories a day now. Science tells me that as long as I continue this, I will lose weight. It is inevitable. There is an equation: Calories needed for your body > calories you take in = weight loss. It is a proven fact. And, 28# in 25 days is not bad.
I am not going to lie, the "all liquid" stage was not fun. Not terrible, but not fun. I am not a "sweets in the morning" type person, and when you are living on protein shakes, sweet is what you get! But I made it. I have had LOTS and LOTS of soup. Tomato Basil is a new favorite of mine, along with loaded potato. In fact, if you have any questions about any the creamy, not chunky soups at any Tupelo restaurant, I can probably help you out. This stage lasted for nearly two weeks, and I have survived it! Not only did I survive it, we even ate out several times, and I had no trouble to speak of.
Stage 2 was next, and in that stage, I was allowed pureed type foods. Runny grits, thin oatmeal, thicker soups, refried beans, applesauce, etc. Let me tell you - mashed potatoes and refried beans have been my staples! And cheese. Cheese was added to this stage, and let me tell you - I have melted it in soups, on beans, and a few times in a bowl without anything else! Also, refried beans opened up another restaurant option for the family... Mexican. We love Mexican. So, we went, and I "fancied up" some refried beans with a tiny bit of salsa and cheese dip, and it was DIVINE! And I was happy. (Also, it should be noted that I am not even able to eat an entire order of refried beans. My capacity is about 1.5-2 ounces now.)
I was supposed to start stage 3 on January 1. However, I have already started doing a little experimenting. The stages blend together at some spots, and I am just doing the best I can. I have experimented some, but typically only once a day, then I go back to a tried and true food. For instance, last night I made chicken salad (and chopped it into a puree with my Pampered Chef Chopper). It was so good! And, as that is the closest thing to dense protein, I was disappointed in what I was able to eat. I had fixed myself a small condiment bowl of it, and wasn't able to eat half. It is great. I get full so quickly, and I really don't crave a lot of things at all. Today, I haven't really experimented, I am just eating tiny bites of chicken salad, since I know it worked well.
Basically, I am doing great. This is an awesome journey, and I am so proud that God chose to make me wait. I truly appreciate it more than I would have if this had been an easy process.
Love to all!
Jolie
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Today Is a "Joyous" Day!
Well, I made it! Yay team! Finally, 18 months after the beginning of this journey, I have FINALLY taken the exit I was aiming for. And so far (all 3.5 days of it) have been smooth sailing!
On Tuesday, I didn't have to be at the hospital until 10 a.m. So, I got up, took the kids to school, came home and got ready for the day. I didn't feel well, I was dehydrated, and scared to death. We got there, and a sweet friend from church came to pray with us. When we went back, of course they needed a urine sample. (They really need to work on that - when you have been NPO for 10+ hours, following the bowel prep, it is hard to produce.) They had a hard time starting my IV (2 veins blew, 1 in each hand - another response to dehydration!) I was terrified. Dan was with me, of course. My rock. (I don't think I can do much without him!) Mama had a stomach virus, and wasn't able to be with us. But, we made it fine. It was an easy-going time.
Then, they finally took me back - I was terrified. I seriously almost told them to stop several times. I was terrified of the recovery, terrified of what would happen on the table. It was an unbelievable fear. Needless to say, I am so glad the nurse anesthetist worked quickly, or I might have been out having lunch ASAP! But, I drifted off to sleep quickly and painlessly.
I remember waking up (as much as one "wakes up") in the recovery room. All I could think was that I had a headache, and THAT is what I asked for medicine for! A headache! I really just wanted some ibuprofen, and a massage! I then remember them rolling me into the room with Dan, and getting one of the sweetest kisses ever. FYI - I love that man SO MUCH! The nurses on the bariatric hall are great, and I took great care of me - giving me the pain medicine quickly. At this time, Dan and I were still alone, as everyone who loves us had done us the favor of going to Sadie's orchestra concert. I woke up fairly quickly, and walked to the restroom with no problems. Then, remembering the death pain of walking after surgery last time, I steeled myself, and started down the hall. And guess what - It did not hurt! It was a little uncomfortable, but it didn't really hurt. Tuesday night I was up and down several times going to the restroom and walking, and I am proud to say I had completed my 18 laps (1 mile) before Dr. Pinson came to see me the next morning.
Wednesday morning, I had to go down for a swallow study. For those of you who don't know, that means I had to drink some barium, and make sure there were no leaks in my new, pocket-sized stomach. I passed. And almost passed out. That is not a pleasant memory! I felt so much regret for all of the patients I have sent for modified swallow studies over the years...Ick! I was very nauseated, but didn't really have a lot of pain, except a neck/headache. When Dan finally came back after work, we rolled up a towel for me to put under my neck instead of the pillow, and that was great!
Thursday, I woke up and literally just hung out until I was discharged about 3:15. My IV ran out early, so the nurse took it out for me. I wasn't in any pain. So, I just hung out, drank water and juice, and waited to be discharged.
Dan came by and picked me up, and we went to the car rider line to get my babies! I had great friends who had volunteered to bring them home for me, but the look in their eyes when they saw me was worth the wait! We came home, and started setting me up. It was great! A friend dropped by and brought the sweetest get well cards from my little friends at church and to check on me. I did without any pain medication or anti-nausea medicine all day Thursday.
Then, Friday came. I was expecting the worst, because we all know that our grandmothers tell us that "day 3" is the worst day of all. So, I woke up at 5:30, and Dan helped spur the kids to get ready for school. My sweet Moe brought me a massaging neck pillow for my headache/neckache. And I was bored. Bored. Bored. So, I drove over to the Wellness Center and walked half a mile. Then, I drove to school and picked up my kids. It was a great day. I took in about 47 ounces of the 64 ounces I am shooting for. As it is only day 3, though, I really can't hold that much at one time. But I will get there. Friday ended up as another "no pain medication" day, praise the Lord.
Today, I am taking it easy, watching Netflix, and catching up on some crocheting. Nothing major. And, I am praising the Lord. You see, now, I understand His timing. It wasn't about my timing, it was about His. He worked things out, and is providing me with an exceptional healing experience. Now, I am not naive. I know I will have bad days, but I pray that each of those "difficult" days will lead me to remember the blessings He has provided me!
And finally, a huge shout out of thanks to all of you who have posted on my Facebook, texted, called and checked on me, helped me out. The love and support I have received is totally overwhelming...
Thanks, Friends. I love you!
On Tuesday, I didn't have to be at the hospital until 10 a.m. So, I got up, took the kids to school, came home and got ready for the day. I didn't feel well, I was dehydrated, and scared to death. We got there, and a sweet friend from church came to pray with us. When we went back, of course they needed a urine sample. (They really need to work on that - when you have been NPO for 10+ hours, following the bowel prep, it is hard to produce.) They had a hard time starting my IV (2 veins blew, 1 in each hand - another response to dehydration!) I was terrified. Dan was with me, of course. My rock. (I don't think I can do much without him!) Mama had a stomach virus, and wasn't able to be with us. But, we made it fine. It was an easy-going time.
Then, they finally took me back - I was terrified. I seriously almost told them to stop several times. I was terrified of the recovery, terrified of what would happen on the table. It was an unbelievable fear. Needless to say, I am so glad the nurse anesthetist worked quickly, or I might have been out having lunch ASAP! But, I drifted off to sleep quickly and painlessly.
I remember waking up (as much as one "wakes up") in the recovery room. All I could think was that I had a headache, and THAT is what I asked for medicine for! A headache! I really just wanted some ibuprofen, and a massage! I then remember them rolling me into the room with Dan, and getting one of the sweetest kisses ever. FYI - I love that man SO MUCH! The nurses on the bariatric hall are great, and I took great care of me - giving me the pain medicine quickly. At this time, Dan and I were still alone, as everyone who loves us had done us the favor of going to Sadie's orchestra concert. I woke up fairly quickly, and walked to the restroom with no problems. Then, remembering the death pain of walking after surgery last time, I steeled myself, and started down the hall. And guess what - It did not hurt! It was a little uncomfortable, but it didn't really hurt. Tuesday night I was up and down several times going to the restroom and walking, and I am proud to say I had completed my 18 laps (1 mile) before Dr. Pinson came to see me the next morning.
Wednesday morning, I had to go down for a swallow study. For those of you who don't know, that means I had to drink some barium, and make sure there were no leaks in my new, pocket-sized stomach. I passed. And almost passed out. That is not a pleasant memory! I felt so much regret for all of the patients I have sent for modified swallow studies over the years...Ick! I was very nauseated, but didn't really have a lot of pain, except a neck/headache. When Dan finally came back after work, we rolled up a towel for me to put under my neck instead of the pillow, and that was great!
Thursday, I woke up and literally just hung out until I was discharged about 3:15. My IV ran out early, so the nurse took it out for me. I wasn't in any pain. So, I just hung out, drank water and juice, and waited to be discharged.
Dan came by and picked me up, and we went to the car rider line to get my babies! I had great friends who had volunteered to bring them home for me, but the look in their eyes when they saw me was worth the wait! We came home, and started setting me up. It was great! A friend dropped by and brought the sweetest get well cards from my little friends at church and to check on me. I did without any pain medication or anti-nausea medicine all day Thursday.
Then, Friday came. I was expecting the worst, because we all know that our grandmothers tell us that "day 3" is the worst day of all. So, I woke up at 5:30, and Dan helped spur the kids to get ready for school. My sweet Moe brought me a massaging neck pillow for my headache/neckache. And I was bored. Bored. Bored. So, I drove over to the Wellness Center and walked half a mile. Then, I drove to school and picked up my kids. It was a great day. I took in about 47 ounces of the 64 ounces I am shooting for. As it is only day 3, though, I really can't hold that much at one time. But I will get there. Friday ended up as another "no pain medication" day, praise the Lord.
Today, I am taking it easy, watching Netflix, and catching up on some crocheting. Nothing major. And, I am praising the Lord. You see, now, I understand His timing. It wasn't about my timing, it was about His. He worked things out, and is providing me with an exceptional healing experience. Now, I am not naive. I know I will have bad days, but I pray that each of those "difficult" days will lead me to remember the blessings He has provided me!
And finally, a huge shout out of thanks to all of you who have posted on my Facebook, texted, called and checked on me, helped me out. The love and support I have received is totally overwhelming...
Thanks, Friends. I love you!
Monday, December 8, 2014
Third Time's a Charm, Right?
Well, today may be a myriad of posts. I am home and pre-op today, so I am ALONE! For those of you who know us, you know I am never ALONE! I am in the same building with one of my kids at all times! So, today I have a relaxing day planned. I plan on packing, maybe cleaning a little, and working on some crochet/knit projects that I am trying to finish up.
In the last few weeks, I have been asked multiple times if I am nervous, excited, scared, etc. Well, in all honesty, I am tired. It has literally been 18 months since I first visited the Bariatric Clinic to start researching this procedure. At that time, I was very skeptical. But the more I investigated this procedure, the more interested I became. I was mid pre-op procedure in February, when it was cancelled. Then, I did the whole "pre-op" thing again in June. Now, here I am again!
I really haven't felt like posting much in the past 6 months. It has really taken me a lot longer to recover from the last surgery than I thought. But, I am now able to breathe without feeling it, and only rarely do I have any pain or twinges. That being said, I am not overjoyed at more anesthesia and cutting.
I will say this, the liquid diet is not as bad as you would think. I even went to a Grow Group Christmas party on Friday night, and had a great time. I ate some soup before we went, then had a shake while I was there. I stayed away from the food, and it was good! Then, I got home and we had been "Elfed" by our dear neighbors, with a box of goodies from Rosie's. I have just ignored the box this whole weekend, and I have made it fine. I will say this, I am a little anti-social at meal times. I find that I feel a little selfish right now, but I have talked to Dan and the kids, and let them know it is just a survival thing for right now, and that it WILL get better soon.
Thanks for all of your continued prayers...I hope to post again soon!
Love you all!
In the last few weeks, I have been asked multiple times if I am nervous, excited, scared, etc. Well, in all honesty, I am tired. It has literally been 18 months since I first visited the Bariatric Clinic to start researching this procedure. At that time, I was very skeptical. But the more I investigated this procedure, the more interested I became. I was mid pre-op procedure in February, when it was cancelled. Then, I did the whole "pre-op" thing again in June. Now, here I am again!
I really haven't felt like posting much in the past 6 months. It has really taken me a lot longer to recover from the last surgery than I thought. But, I am now able to breathe without feeling it, and only rarely do I have any pain or twinges. That being said, I am not overjoyed at more anesthesia and cutting.
I will say this, the liquid diet is not as bad as you would think. I even went to a Grow Group Christmas party on Friday night, and had a great time. I ate some soup before we went, then had a shake while I was there. I stayed away from the food, and it was good! Then, I got home and we had been "Elfed" by our dear neighbors, with a box of goodies from Rosie's. I have just ignored the box this whole weekend, and I have made it fine. I will say this, I am a little anti-social at meal times. I find that I feel a little selfish right now, but I have talked to Dan and the kids, and let them know it is just a survival thing for right now, and that it WILL get better soon.
Thanks for all of your continued prayers...I hope to post again soon!
Love you all!
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Not So Joyous
Well, here we are, 2 months after my last post. And, I hate to say, this, but I have NOT been very joyous lately. Not a bit, in fact. You might say that I had a month of recovery, and then a 2 month pity party. I am not proud of this, but I just want to be honest.
You see, I had visions of myself starting school in a smaller size, withering away before people's eyes. But, that was not God had planned. Now, His plan is infinitely better than mine, mind you. (I mean, I am living, my liver is functioning well, and I am mostly healed.) But you see, OTHERS can't see that change in me. And I think that is what I wanted. I wanted OTHERS to see me become more socially acceptable (aka - thinner, smaller, etc). I wanted OTHERS to compliment ME on MY change. And I don't think that is what God wanted. To continue to be honest, I am almost embarrassed. I built up the surgery, and it didn't happen. I wonder if people are thinking I am silly, or that it did happen, and it just isn't working for me.
From the beginning, I have wanted this to be about a focus on God. And for a while there, I think it was. Well, at least while it was all going my way. But, things changed. And I have had a rough summer. This has been a trial, and I am trying to use this testimony to show how God works in ways we don't understand, and that He has an ultimate plan that may not match ours. But, I have to admit, I have had some anger, some questioning, and a lot of frustration.
I don't like to be sick. I don't like to depend on people. I am "THE MOM," and I want to do all that title entails. I missed a MONTH of my kids' summer. I sent them off to camp/grandmother's for 2 weeks of the 4 I was actually up and functioning. All because I wasn't able to function and take care of them both. I feel cheated out of my summer, and of spending time with my family.
Now, school has started, and I am exhausted. And this is not typical school starting back exhaustion, this is different. It takes all I have plus some to make it until 3:00 on Friday afternoons, and then I literally come home and go to bed (or fall asleep in my chair.) And I don't like it, not a bit.
What makes this exhaustion even worse, is knowing that I am NOT doing all I can to fight it. (There's some more honesty for ya!) I'm not. I am not walking. I can't tell you the last time I attended an aerobics class or the Wellness Center. I am not doing my part. I am not drinking my water, I am back on my Diet Pepsi train. I am eating too many carbs again. I am not reading and studying my Bible like I should. I have FALLEN OFF OF THE PROVERBIAL WAGON (and feel like it has run me over!)
That is part of what this post is about. Confession time. I HAVE fallen off the wagon. But, I know that my God is a loving and forgiving God. So, tonight, when I finish this post, I am going to get in my Bible. I am going to run back into my Father's arms like the prodigal daughter I am, and I am going to thank Him for His plan. And I am telling you this, because I need accountability. So, please pray for me, and if I ask you for a Diet Pepsi, give me some water with lemon and assure me that I will feel better in a few days...
Thanks for reading! Love you all!
Jolie
You see, I had visions of myself starting school in a smaller size, withering away before people's eyes. But, that was not God had planned. Now, His plan is infinitely better than mine, mind you. (I mean, I am living, my liver is functioning well, and I am mostly healed.) But you see, OTHERS can't see that change in me. And I think that is what I wanted. I wanted OTHERS to see me become more socially acceptable (aka - thinner, smaller, etc). I wanted OTHERS to compliment ME on MY change. And I don't think that is what God wanted. To continue to be honest, I am almost embarrassed. I built up the surgery, and it didn't happen. I wonder if people are thinking I am silly, or that it did happen, and it just isn't working for me.
From the beginning, I have wanted this to be about a focus on God. And for a while there, I think it was. Well, at least while it was all going my way. But, things changed. And I have had a rough summer. This has been a trial, and I am trying to use this testimony to show how God works in ways we don't understand, and that He has an ultimate plan that may not match ours. But, I have to admit, I have had some anger, some questioning, and a lot of frustration.
I don't like to be sick. I don't like to depend on people. I am "THE MOM," and I want to do all that title entails. I missed a MONTH of my kids' summer. I sent them off to camp/grandmother's for 2 weeks of the 4 I was actually up and functioning. All because I wasn't able to function and take care of them both. I feel cheated out of my summer, and of spending time with my family.
Now, school has started, and I am exhausted. And this is not typical school starting back exhaustion, this is different. It takes all I have plus some to make it until 3:00 on Friday afternoons, and then I literally come home and go to bed (or fall asleep in my chair.) And I don't like it, not a bit.
What makes this exhaustion even worse, is knowing that I am NOT doing all I can to fight it. (There's some more honesty for ya!) I'm not. I am not walking. I can't tell you the last time I attended an aerobics class or the Wellness Center. I am not doing my part. I am not drinking my water, I am back on my Diet Pepsi train. I am eating too many carbs again. I am not reading and studying my Bible like I should. I have FALLEN OFF OF THE PROVERBIAL WAGON (and feel like it has run me over!)
That is part of what this post is about. Confession time. I HAVE fallen off the wagon. But, I know that my God is a loving and forgiving God. So, tonight, when I finish this post, I am going to get in my Bible. I am going to run back into my Father's arms like the prodigal daughter I am, and I am going to thank Him for His plan. And I am telling you this, because I need accountability. So, please pray for me, and if I ask you for a Diet Pepsi, give me some water with lemon and assure me that I will feel better in a few days...
Thanks for reading! Love you all!
Jolie
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Lost Time, and Remembered Love
Wow, I just checked the date on my last post. June 9. That was a while ago. Sorry - but I have been on experiencing some "lost time" this month. This oh-so-lovely surgery appears to have done a number on me. I sit here, doing nothing. No Facebook, no texting, no phone calls. No television. No reading. Just nothing. And if you know me, you know that is not normal.
I blame it on the anesthesia. The "staring into space" AND the sometimes overly emotional crying - I blame it all on the anesthesia. Might as well, it can't "argue back." :)
Now - to recap. The last time I wrote was Monday, June 9. On Wednesday, June 11, I made my first venture out into the real world for a follow-up, where I learned that all my pathology had come back benign. Yay!!!! However, that day trip literally WORE ME OUT. I mean, I went to bed before 5:00, Dan had to practically feed me dinner...I was DONE! Then, on Thursday, I really did not feel well at all. And on Friday, I started running a fever. Well, finally, when Dan was home with me on Saturday, and I was once again running a fever, he called the surgeon on call. He called me in an antibiotic, and I started it Saturday afternoon. Within 5 hours we could tell it was starting to work. However, I remained sickly through Wednesday, when I once again headed out to the doctor. Dr. Pinson was convinced I was better, but did encourage me to WALK more! (I know - I have been a horrible rehab patient this time around.) Once again, the doctor's visit wore me out, and I slept away. Finally, on Saturday, Dan Reid made me get up and about. I went to my mom's, and laid on her couch. All day. It was good for me to get out, and see some people. I was not up to church today, but I hope to be there next week, especially if I can get a few good walks in this week to build up my strength.
Now, I have had a TON of things running through my mind (and I don't promise it has all been sane!). I will start with the irony, and move on to the serious. -
Irony - I was supposed to have a bariatric surgery that would alter what I am able to eat and drink. I was SO AFRAID of starving. Well, no bariatric surgery completed - I have NO dietary restrictions, and I am struggling to eat a bite of anything! Well, up until yesterday, that is. I will eat 2-3 bites of something, then I am full, and sick. Because of this, I have lost an additional 15-20 pounds this month. At my last weigh-in on my home scale, I have now officially lost 78# in a year. Now, I can tell my appetite is coming back, and I am going to have to get back on it soon, but for now, I am letting it ride. I am eating what I think my body needs to heal, and prepare itself for the rest of this journey.
Now, for the serious note. I am no theologian, scholar, or expert. However, I have learned a lesson this month that I want all young girls who dream of marrying someday to know. Dan Reid has shown me the most self-less love imaginable during this time. Now, those of you who know him, know that Dan is one of the most practical people on the face of this earth. No, he didn't send me flowers. Yes, he only took off work one day (but FYI - I insisted on only 1 day!) We are not the most romantic couple you will ever see...We are more likely to save our money for a household necessity rather than to buy gifts for each other. But I have been moved to tears more than once this week by his love.
This precious man has performed tasks that no one should have to perform for their spouse, especially a man for his wife. He has slept (well, laid on the couch) in my hospital room every night but one (when I sent him home.) He has continued to sleep in our guest bed, because I sleep better in the recliner in the guest room, and he doesn't want to be far from me. He wakes up to walk with me to the bathroom multiple times each night. He INSISTS that I sleep in my sexy, green "grippy socks" from the hospital so I don't fall. He has run this house like a well-oiled machine in my "absence." He has a system, and the kids are following it. Yes, all of my pajamas may be piled on top of the washing machine, but if I need clean clothes, they are right there, in easy reach. He has gone to work for his 10+ hour days, and then come home to water the flowers I helped JC plant, and promised to help take care of. He comes home and makes sure the kids and I are fed. He has grocery shopped for any little thing my heart desired. He has done laundry and dishes. He makes sure I have a shower and a walk every day. And he has done it all with a smile, a kiss, and a tender "I love yous" for the kids and me.
This, ladies and gentlemen, This is love. Love as a verb...And I cry as I sit here typing this. I wish that all of the young ladies who are looking for Mr. Right would look for more of these qualities, and less of the worldly qualities such as looks and money. To have been blessed by God by this man is unreal. To me, this week/month especially, when I have had to have assistance with EVERY activity of daily living from toileting to brushing my teeth, I cannot imagine not having a love like this. Someone who selflessly helps with any task no matter how menial or disgusting. Who doesn't tease. Who wakes up in the middle of the night to hold your hand, because he just felt like you needed it.
That, friends - That is what you should pray for. This type of love is what I pray for my children. Both of them.
Thank you, God, for using this time to show me how blessed I am to have such a special man as my partner. Please allow me to remember the love this man has shown to me, and let me be worthy of such a love! Please work your will in our lives, and help me to be the wife he deserves....
Have a blessed week!
I blame it on the anesthesia. The "staring into space" AND the sometimes overly emotional crying - I blame it all on the anesthesia. Might as well, it can't "argue back." :)
Now - to recap. The last time I wrote was Monday, June 9. On Wednesday, June 11, I made my first venture out into the real world for a follow-up, where I learned that all my pathology had come back benign. Yay!!!! However, that day trip literally WORE ME OUT. I mean, I went to bed before 5:00, Dan had to practically feed me dinner...I was DONE! Then, on Thursday, I really did not feel well at all. And on Friday, I started running a fever. Well, finally, when Dan was home with me on Saturday, and I was once again running a fever, he called the surgeon on call. He called me in an antibiotic, and I started it Saturday afternoon. Within 5 hours we could tell it was starting to work. However, I remained sickly through Wednesday, when I once again headed out to the doctor. Dr. Pinson was convinced I was better, but did encourage me to WALK more! (I know - I have been a horrible rehab patient this time around.) Once again, the doctor's visit wore me out, and I slept away. Finally, on Saturday, Dan Reid made me get up and about. I went to my mom's, and laid on her couch. All day. It was good for me to get out, and see some people. I was not up to church today, but I hope to be there next week, especially if I can get a few good walks in this week to build up my strength.
Now, I have had a TON of things running through my mind (and I don't promise it has all been sane!). I will start with the irony, and move on to the serious. -
Irony - I was supposed to have a bariatric surgery that would alter what I am able to eat and drink. I was SO AFRAID of starving. Well, no bariatric surgery completed - I have NO dietary restrictions, and I am struggling to eat a bite of anything! Well, up until yesterday, that is. I will eat 2-3 bites of something, then I am full, and sick. Because of this, I have lost an additional 15-20 pounds this month. At my last weigh-in on my home scale, I have now officially lost 78# in a year. Now, I can tell my appetite is coming back, and I am going to have to get back on it soon, but for now, I am letting it ride. I am eating what I think my body needs to heal, and prepare itself for the rest of this journey.
Now, for the serious note. I am no theologian, scholar, or expert. However, I have learned a lesson this month that I want all young girls who dream of marrying someday to know. Dan Reid has shown me the most self-less love imaginable during this time. Now, those of you who know him, know that Dan is one of the most practical people on the face of this earth. No, he didn't send me flowers. Yes, he only took off work one day (but FYI - I insisted on only 1 day!) We are not the most romantic couple you will ever see...We are more likely to save our money for a household necessity rather than to buy gifts for each other. But I have been moved to tears more than once this week by his love.
This precious man has performed tasks that no one should have to perform for their spouse, especially a man for his wife. He has slept (well, laid on the couch) in my hospital room every night but one (when I sent him home.) He has continued to sleep in our guest bed, because I sleep better in the recliner in the guest room, and he doesn't want to be far from me. He wakes up to walk with me to the bathroom multiple times each night. He INSISTS that I sleep in my sexy, green "grippy socks" from the hospital so I don't fall. He has run this house like a well-oiled machine in my "absence." He has a system, and the kids are following it. Yes, all of my pajamas may be piled on top of the washing machine, but if I need clean clothes, they are right there, in easy reach. He has gone to work for his 10+ hour days, and then come home to water the flowers I helped JC plant, and promised to help take care of. He comes home and makes sure the kids and I are fed. He has grocery shopped for any little thing my heart desired. He has done laundry and dishes. He makes sure I have a shower and a walk every day. And he has done it all with a smile, a kiss, and a tender "I love yous" for the kids and me.
This, ladies and gentlemen, This is love. Love as a verb...And I cry as I sit here typing this. I wish that all of the young ladies who are looking for Mr. Right would look for more of these qualities, and less of the worldly qualities such as looks and money. To have been blessed by God by this man is unreal. To me, this week/month especially, when I have had to have assistance with EVERY activity of daily living from toileting to brushing my teeth, I cannot imagine not having a love like this. Someone who selflessly helps with any task no matter how menial or disgusting. Who doesn't tease. Who wakes up in the middle of the night to hold your hand, because he just felt like you needed it.
That, friends - That is what you should pray for. This type of love is what I pray for my children. Both of them.
Thank you, God, for using this time to show me how blessed I am to have such a special man as my partner. Please allow me to remember the love this man has shown to me, and let me be worthy of such a love! Please work your will in our lives, and help me to be the wife he deserves....
Have a blessed week!
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