Do I Have Enough?

So, the journey is continuing, even though I don’t post often anymore. There is just so much going on, and so little time...Work, plays, soccer, homework, dinner, projects, dodecahedrons...You all know the drill, you live it too.
I recently read an interesting book. Daring Greatly, by Dr. Brene’ Brown. One of the things that stuck out the most to me in that book, was that we are a culture of scarcity. We never feel like we have enough. There is not enough time, money, clothes, toys, sleep. We wake up, and the first things we think are that we didn’t get enough sleep, and that we don’t have enough time to accomplish what we want to do. The last thoughts we have before going to sleep - we won’t get enough sleep tonight, and we didn’t accomplish all we wanted to. And I recognized myself in this, and I don’t want to live that way anymore. Dr. Brown also stated that, despite what we might think, the opposite of “scarcity” is not “abundance.” We all think that if we just have more, all of our problems will be solved. Well, I see Dr. Brown’s point. What qualifies as abundance? To some people, just living in the US would be abundance. To some, it is being a millionaire, to some having dinner tonight. Who qualifies that for us? And who of us, when met with abundance actually says, “Well, that’s good. I have abundance, and I am satisfied.” No one I know, for sure. That being said, Dr. Brown states that “enough” is the actually the opposite of “scarcity.” Why, you ask? Well, because we all have to realize that when we have ENOUGH, we should be satisfied. That is not to say that we should never dream. But only that we do have enough, and that should be enough. I don’t have all of the material things I desire. But, Dan and I do have a home with 4 walls. We are warm in the winter, and cool in the summer. We have food in our freezer and refrigerator, and still occasionally go out to eat. We live in a wonderful neighborhood. We have friends and family who love us. Our children get wonderful educations, from a wonderful school district - for FREE. They have clothes, toys, books...We have enough.
However, even though I know I have enough, I have been struggling for the past several weeks. I have had another “blip” on the health radar. I went just before Thanksgiving for my first-ever mammogram. Fun times. (Yep - I know, I am blessed to live in a country where this is the MINIMAL STANDARD of care.) Well, I didn’t think twice about it, until I got a call the next week that I needed some follow-up. Well, if you have ever been there - as you know, the freak-out commenced. But I handled it ok. Minimal freak-out, asked some questions, and tried to gather some information.  Lots of people assured me that this was common on a first mammogram, and I shouldn’t panic. So, I headed out for an ultrasound (which also included a second mammogram.) Wow. What an experience...4 hours in a waiting room full of shirtless, braless women in robes. Fun times. Well, during that time, the ultrasound tech and radiologist did not a 4 cm mass in my left breast, however, they were very reassuring that it did not look cancerous. However, the next step recommended was a needle biopsy and removal, due to the size. Well, at that point, I was in shock. I mean, I am healthier than I have been in years. I was feeling a little blah due to some suspected anemia, but really? This??? Now???
So, after an evening in shock, I did not recover like I wanted to. I just couldn’t get past this. I have been sad, depressed, sleepy, in a funk for two weeks now. Two weeks gone. I have tried to be very particular about who I discussed this with. And it has weighed on me. I have been too weary to put one foot in front of the other during the day, and unable to sleep at night. I have not celebrated this season… I have not shopped. I got no joy out of decorating my tree. I don’t want to cook. I didn’t make it to my work Christmas party. I have been a sad sack. But no more. That changes now. This is my favorite time of year. I love Christmas. I love the Nativity. I love celebrating the birth of Jesus. And this will not stop me. Jesus knows what will happen, and that is ENOUGH. I’m tough. Yes, the biopsy will hurt, but probably no more than I can handle. If the results are not what I want, well, I have Dan. And he has proven his nursing ability over and over. If I don’t get the lump removed prior to December 31, I will just have a headstart on next year’s deductible. If I have to miss work, it will be ok.
So, my first step in celebrating this season is to share this with you and ask for prayers for comfort…
And my next step, to get out of my comfy recliner, take a shower, put on real clothes...And take care of some Christmas business!
Merry Christmas...

Make New Friends, but Keep the Old

Oh me! Where to begin? I have been typing for an hour, and I have just started over! I feel I need to issue a warning!

Disclaimer: This blog initially started off as a way to chronicle my weight loss and the changes I have made in my life. However, I have come to realize that my journey includes so much more than weight loss. God is working, and has been working in ways I cannot understand, and He is leading me on a spectacular journey in all areas of my life!

So, now, for tonight's topic: Friends. And tonight's scripture: Genesis 1.
I know, I know...You are asking yourself what does the Creation Story have to do with friendships? Well, you see, I have spent the last hour sorting that out, and this is what I have decided.

In Genesis 1, we see God create the world. This happened pretty systematically.
Day 1: Day/Night
Day 2: Waters/Heaven
Day 3: Earth/Plants
Day 4: Sun/Moon
Day 5: Fish/Birds
Day 6: Animals/ Man (Male and Female)

There was a plan. This did not JUST HAPPEN. It wasn't a coincidence. God didn't shake out a million piece puzzle and add things willy-nilly. He was the Creator. When we build a house, there has to be a creator, and there has to be a plan. When we build a car, yep, both things are there. The creator, and the plan. That dollhouse/Lego building/desk that we want to build require a plan. So, it stands to reason, that if God had a plan when creating the world, He still has one.

In the children's class I help teach at church, the scripture for this week was Genesis 1. The lesson pointed out that just as God had a plan for Creation, He has a plan for each of us. I, Jolie Reid, am fearfully and wonderfully made in HIS image. Just like you are. And God has been revealing to me that not only does He have a BIG plan for the world, He has a little plan for me. This has been evidenced in so many ways, and God is opening my eyes to that this week.

So, how does that relate to friendship, you might ask. Well, God is showing me this week that He has placed so many, many special people in my path years before the moment I needed them. He knew long before I met people, that we would be friends. And tonight, I want to just point out a few of these wonderful relationships, and the ways these people have blessed me.

1. The other 3 members of the "Fabulous Four." Sally, Teresa, and Victoria. These women are so fun to hang out with. I just love our dinner dates! But that's not all. These women are also my family. They listen to me complain about my gifted kids, and put it in perspective for me. They calm me down. They bring me food and check on me when I am sick. And, last but not least, dropped everything and prayed for me when I was in a potentially dangerous situation. Then, they took action for my children, notifying counselors and letting everyone know a plan. And guess what, their plan was just exactly what I would have told them to do, if I could have. I hope you 3 know how much I love you!

2. My sweet, sweet friend Krista. Krista was my first friend at Lawndale, and we met 6 years and 3 days ago. She took care of me, and showed me the ropes. We grew very close in our 2 years together. Krista is the person who invited me to FBC Tupelo. And now, I am helping her teach a 3rd grade class. Why is this important and what does it have to do with a plan, you ask? Well, my sweet JC was saved at FBC. It is where my family has learned to love to worship together. And now, I am teaching while she goes to get her new babies. God knew 6 years ago, that He would need me to help her out while she goes from a family of 3 to a family of 5! (Whoo-hoo!!!) He knew that. It was in His plan.

3. My precious friend Rachel, who is on her own journey. A precious friend who, when she found out that I was in a not-so-good situation, stood up in a room full of people and led a prayer for my safety. For those who don't see us on a daily basis, Rachel and I are the emotional ones at the end of the 5th grade hall. The 2 who will either be laughing over some bizarre action of a 5th grader, or crying over nothing at all. That is just who we are now. We are sharing our hormonal imbalances (which have occurred for very different reasons). Just ignore us, but know I love her!

4. My neighborhood crew. My late-night texting buddies. The providers of a cup of sugar, (at midnight) sunburn cream (at midnight), a friendly text/chat when the power goes out (at midnight). My neighborhood watch buddies. The one who watched my children no questions asked when Dan had his heart attack. The one who came and bought me a milkshake late on a rainy Sunday night when she needed to be writing lesson plans. The ones who are like additional moms to my children when they are running up and down the street. Amy, Alison, Anna, & Lindsey - I want you to know I think God for sending you to Church Street. I truly believe He has a plan. A plan for our boys to grow up with buddies, a plan for us to have a support system, a plan for us to make changes in this neighborhood, that will make changes in our town. I love having you girls as buddies, and I thank God for sending you all (and your baby girls) to me!

There are so many, many more people God has placed in my life. It is so awesome to look back and see how God has planned for my peace and protection by providing the perfect friend for me.

Thank you, God, for Your plan! I think you are making a beautiful picture with my life!

The Road Less Traveled...Well, Maybe Not....s

Wow. Time flies, and I stink at blogging. Every week I mean to post something, but life takes over.
So, here we are. 3 weeks into the 2015-2016 school year. The kids both have grades in the gradebook, and progress reports will come home soon. EEK!!! Time is flying. So, now I am going to tell a little about our journey the last few months...

Summer: Wow. Where did it go? I worked the month of June, and the kids went to camps and traveled. And I worked. Oh, I already said that, didn't I. Did you know I worked in June? Can you tell I want LOTS of credit for it? LOL. Well, it was all good, because I worked because I NEEDED NEW CLOTHES!!!

Then July came around. I didn't work. But I worked out. My friend Suzanne trained me, and pushed me to levels I didn't know I could reach. It was great. And, I reached out and made a new friend, Dana. Dana and I walked several early morning miles around downtown Tupelo! Neither of us could believe that we could walk for 45 minutes, and call that an easy day. Wowzers! How did that happen?

Now, it is August. Almost the end. And I am a stressed girl. If you know what being a speech language pathologist is, it means I don't have a "classroom," but I pull kids from separate classes during the day to work on deficit areas. Which, in the good old days, meant if Johnny has Mrs. Smith, he is in her room ALL DAY LONG. Yeah, well, not so much these days. Now, chances are little Johnny has at least 3 other teachers, besides me. So, we are all grappling for his time, and trying to keep him in class as much as possible. "Schedule making is my favorite time of year," said NO SLP EVER! But, the schedule is made. The cheat sheets for the kids is (almost) made. The bulletin boards are up, and the new classroom is decorated.

This year, I am in shock, as I have a 7th grader at Tupelo Middle School, and a fifth grader who is SO THRILLED that his mommy got a new room on his hall! They are getting so big, and Sadie has now moved up to the YOUTH group at church (much to her chagrin, but she actually likes it now that she is there!) and JC is a "Tween." They have chore lists that occasionally get completed. (Who am I kidding, they sometimes get looked at, maybe one or two items get checked off...)

Now, for what you have all wanted to hear. Weight loss news. Well, I wish it was better news. I am losing, but it is much slower. I have had a plateau. And I am trying to be OK with that. I am exercising more. Changing it up a bit. And trying to watch what I am eating, because I am NOT tracking my food like I used to. But, despite the slowed weight loss, there are NSVs (non-scale victories). So, here is my list of NSV's (in no particular order)

1. I bought the cutest skinny jeans from my friends' store, Southern Cloth. (FYI - I also got 2 precious tops, and a dress!)
2. One of the tops I bought was a 1X!!!
3. I bought pants at Old Navy when I was back to school shopping. I bought a 20. I should have bought an 18, I think, as they are baggy after I wear them for an hour. (FYI- I started in a size 30 pants, and a 32/4x top). 
4. I can walk a 20 minute mile.
5. I can do crunches. And I now know that I actually have both upper and lower abs. My friend  Suzanne helped me to learn that, as she made them hurt A LOT this summer. 
6. I can walk up and down the hall from my new room without a minute's hesitation. 
7. I have wedges. And I have worn them more than once!

So, even though some of these things are probably little things, for me, I am counting them. And as far as numbers go, I am trying to keep my eye on the big picture. Big picture is this: I have lost 120 pounds. That is not just a little bit. 120# is the amount of trash the average family disposes of in a month. 120# is a 2 month old horse plus a car tire. I have lost the equivalent of 3 5-gallon water bottles. 120# is a PERSON. I have lost a PERSON. So, I will give myself some slack, continue to exercise and eat right, and keep on keeping on. The road less traveled as far as diet and exercise seems to be my steady path, and this has made all of the difference!

Family is Love

Love. That is the theme of the week. Well, actually, it has been hatred and love, but I am choosing to only focus on the love. I heard Somewhere Over the Rainbow, and it reminded me today more than ever of one of my moms. And a post developed...

My history:

Some of you know this, some may not. Almost 41 years ago, 2 teenagers found out they were expecting a baby. I cannot imagine the feelings. The initial feelings were probably NOT the joy I felt when Dan and I found out about Sadie and JC. They were 15 and 18. Just babies themselves. But they did the "right" thing, got married, and I was born. Now, if you have ever met my parents, you know that they are crazy different. Polar opposites. So, needless to say they did not experience "wedded bliss." But I was always first and foremost in their minds. They divorced early on (and remarried, and divorced again!). In fact, I have very few memories of my mom and dad being married. So, divorce occurred...Life went on. Not a whole lot different for me at all, though. Because even at their young ages, I was the priority. Then, came the "steps." Daddy remarried first. He married my Moe, who was pretty young in retrospect! I was around 8 when that happened. Then, Mama and Jimmy were married when I was in the 5th grade. So, I had 2 families. Who spoiled me. It was GREAT! Now, was life perfect. HECK NO! But it was pretty dang good. Did my parents badmouth each other in front of me? Nope. Not ever. They still don't to this day. In fact, I do not even know now what the "visitation schedule" was. I saw my Daddy whenever I wanted. In fact, we laugh because I would start around Wednesday calling around to see who had the best weekend plans, to decide where I was going on Friday night.

Time goes on, life happens...I grow up. Are there things I would change if I could? Probably. But maybe not, because those things shaped me into the person I am today. And I am a believer in the Butterfly Effect. If one thing had changed, I might not be here today, waiting to wake up my Dan Reid, JC, and Sadie, writing this blog. Life is what it is, and I am a survivor. You muddle through, and make the best of what you are given. Even though I was literally heartbroken when all of my parents divorced (Yep, all. Both sets), I survived. Then, Jimmy died. And that was another HUGE blow to me. But I survived. And life went on, with 3/4 of my parents.

Then, my Daddy reconnected with a friend from years ago, and we got our Janet and our Hannah. Wow. Now, I had a sister and a brother. A little girl to dote on! It was great. But Mama and Moe weren't settled. There was a part of me that was always worried about them, especially as I was living with my other half. Something that in retrospect, I was able to see that they had never experienced being married to my Daddy. It just wasn't the "perfect fit" that Dan and I have. And that Daddy and Janet have.

So, several years later, Mama meets someone. He is great! He is HER other half! Buster has completed my mom and made her happier and more content than I have ever seen her. He is good to me, good to Josef, and good to my kids. We LOVE our Buster!

But, there was STILL one unsettled parent. One who I just did not believe had found her perfect compliment. Then, she found Peggy, and I began to believe the perfect compliment had been found. Peggy has the best Nerf Gun wars with JC, and dotes on Sadie's intelligence. She has been an awesome grandparent, like the others. She takes her turns picking up sick kids, delivering medicine when needed, and babysitting.

All of that leads up to this. As I sat on my porch this morning, it hit me that ALL of my parents are now MARRIED to their other halves. All of them. Did it take a while? Yep. But, I can now rest easy that they are all doted on, honored, and loved by the person who completes them. And guess what else? I was there to witness all 3 weddings. I am a lucky girl!

So, today, I sit here, grateful that my family has love. Love and tolerance of all.

Congratulations! And thank you Janet, Buster, and Peggy for loving my parents, and taking care of them. I KNOW they aren't the easiest people to love!

Wow! Time is flying! There are only 9 more days of school with students, then 5 without...Then, here comes summer! Oh, wait. Actually - not. I am going to work Extended School Year (ESY) this summer. Why, you may ask? Well, not only will I have to buy the kids new clothes for school next year, I'll be completely outfitting myself as well. Wow. It is unreal. I will say this, I am so blessed that several people have loaned or given me clothes in my new size, but I still look a mess some days!

There has been a lot going on, and I have been lax in blogging. And cooking. And cleaning. Pretty much, I have been lax about everything except baseball games and work this week! But, May is always like this. Wildness!!! This is my motto!!!

Last week, I was on fire. I got up 3 days at 4:30 and went walking before school. This week, I have walked once, and that was tonight. As for getting up, I have considered it a success if I made it up by 6:30 (to be at work at 7:15). But, I did go tonight. And not only that, I attempted to do Day 1, Week 1 of C25K. Notice I say attempted! I probably only ran about 2-3 minutes total, but I tried something new. I was just experimenting tonight, to see how the app worked. I may try it again on Saturday. If I'm not chicken!

In other news - I have another "first." I have purchased (and worn) the first pair of shorts I have had since Sadie was born! They are athletic shorts, and I wore them on my walk tonight, to see how they felt. And it was nice! That being said - If you drove by Robin's Field tonight, and saw my super white legs as I attempted to run, I apologize! LOL!

I wish I could say how awesome my weight loss has been since my last post, but it has been a slow-go. It is testing time, and sitting on my bottom and eating Hershey's Kisses is NOT being my friend. But, I'll get there. It is what it is sometimes, and this time of year, I am just in survival mode!

3 More Miles

In the several years, I have begun to create an informal "bucket list' of sorts. Things that I never thought I would be able to do, or would want to do. And as 40 loomed nearer, these items were definitely far-fetched dreams for me. Then, I had a glimmer of hope, as my  insurance started paying for bariatric surgery. Was this something I would consider? Maybe. I started researching, and I started the process, with the idea that I could stop it at any time. Then, I had a surgery date...That was cancelled. Another date was set, and I reached the BMI my doctor wanted... I had lost 50+ pounds on my own. Then, another disappointment when I woke up in the recovery room in excruciating pain, but no sleeve. Depression set in. Then, another surgery date was set - Finally...It happened! That glimmer of hope grew brighter. 

Then, the list started...My clothes grew too big. I fit in sizes I haven't seen in 10+ years. Then, I weighed less than I did when I got pregnant with Sadie...Even smaller sizes. My students started to notice (in the best way possible - "Mrs. Reid, you look more skinnier than you used to!"). My stamina increased. I rocked Disney World. My shoes were too big, and I had to get new walking shoes! And my list just keeps growing...

Friday night, my friends Janet and Leigh Carol asked me to walk the Color Vibe 5k with them. I doubted myself. I have never walked that far at one time. Could I really do it? How embarrassing would it be to be the final person straggling in? Should I even try, because I am not in the shape I want to be in yet... I have wanted to complete a 5k since I started this journey, but was I really ready? Maybe the next time...These thoughts kept going on and on...But, I signed up. Janet told me she would drag me across the finish line if she had to. Both kids decided they wanted to go with me. So we registered.

Saturday, April 11, 2015. 8:15 am. Dan drops us off at Fairpark. I was getting excited. We finally started in the 3rd group and a shower of pink. I fell behind my group, and my kids went ahead of me. I just kept going. I was in the group stopped by the train, so I had a little rest. Then, we started again. At about mile 1.5, I caught up to JC. We encouraged each other, and headed on. Sadie joined us for a few minutes, but got caught up in the excitement and ran off to join in. I kept going. I wasn't the fastest, but I wasn't the slowest. No worries about being last, as I was safely ensconced in a crowd of people. We saw people cutting corners, taking short cuts. Not me. I was bound to do it. Then, there it was. The Finish Line. I could see the end in sight, and I crossed it with Jon Carter! Wow! In a few minutes, Sadie crossed over too. How great to share this accomplishment with these 2 special kids! We all completed our first 5k together, and we are planning the next step.

I would have never believed it. One more item marked off the Bucket List, and added to the "Look What I Can Do" list!

1400 miles...And Then Some

During Spring Break, the Reid family, plus Granny Linda went on a long, long journey. This was a much anticipated, occasionally dreaded, long planned journey. We went to Disney World, or as Dan likes to call it, "that people trap that the mouse invented down in Florida." This was a first trip for the kids and me, and I was so nervous. (I must stop here and give huge shout-outs to the awesome Paige Kelly and Kimberly Reeder for helping me plan this trip, and listening to me panic weekly for months!) So, after 2 bouts of snow and ice  in two weeks, we left Tupelo at 5:00 on Friday afternoon, heading south.

Approximately 700 miles, 1 hotel, several fast food places, multiple rest stops, and a few cross words, we made it to Disney's Port Orleans. And it was beautiful! However, when planning this trip, it never really dawned on me that we would be changing time zones. That being said, pulling up at 8:00 their time, and still needing dinner, was a little taxing. It was 9:00 pm for us, and we were exhausted. Or so I thought. Because, if you remember, this was the weekend of the time change. Hello, Daylight Savings Time! As this began to dawn on me, I realized that we needed to be at breakfast at 7:00 am. Eastern Time. On the first day of DST. Which was really 5:00 am for us. Wow! 

On Day 1, we headed to Hollywood Studios. We got there a little later than I had planned, but we made it, and we were all fed. We started with some a few fun rides and shows, then headed to Sadie's favorite dining experience, the 50's Prime Time Diner. It was great! We all loved the food and atmosphere. Then, across the park we go to ride a roller coaster. Well, by this time it is early afternoon, and a little warm. The kids were getting ill, and I had not felt 100% all day. So, after only about 5 minutes in line, they start whining and want to leave the line (in retrospect, I will say "Thankfully.") So, as we walk back to Dan and Granny, I start feeling very strange. So, there we are, in the back of Hollywood Studios, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, when I start vomiting. (I could hear little kids telling there moms to look, and the moms reprimanding them.) Can you say "Most Embarrassing Moment EVER?!?!?" I was mortified. But, my dear sweet Dan came to the rescue! He found a wheelchair, helped me clean up, and wheeled me to the entrance, where he got a taxi to take us all back to the hotel. (Fun times, right?) Boy, do I know how to do Disney! (FYI - I did tell you I was going to share it all on here- the good, the bad, and the ugly!)

Thankfully, whatever it was, went away quickly. I had Zofran in the room, which I took as soon as we got back, took a cold shower, and had a 3 hour nap. When I woke up, I was a new person! So, like the trooper I am, I gathered everyone BACK up, and off to Hollywood Studios we go again. It was a magical night! We didn't ride anything, just walked around and looked at it all, had dinner, then saw everyone's favorite, Fantasmic. I made it fine, and there were no more incidents that day!

That day is probably the most memorable to us all, because of what has become fondly known as "the incident." But that was just the beginning!

On Monday, we headed to Magic Kingdom after our breakfast reservation (at 5:00 am Tupelo time). It was wonderful. And guess what...This is the best part...JC wanted me to ride the Astro Orbiter with him, and I was able to. I actually fit comfortably into the car with him! Then, we moved on to other rides, and I fit in them as well! I was walking like a boss, leaving everyone else behind, and I fit into the rides. 

You see, this is what I think was causing a lot of anxiety about the trip. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I couldn't ride a ride. Well, that wasn't the case! I rode, and rode, and rode. On this trip, I learned so much about myself, and my family! I learned that I really DO enjoy roller coasters at 40. Much more than I did when I was 18, actually. I learned that walking nearly 40 miles in a week will make you REALLY tired. I learned that Dan can't ride fun rides anymore, because he gets dizzy (BOO!!!). I learned that my sweet JC can be a leader, and that he has a little daredevil in him, as well. I learned that Sadie is not fond of roller coasters, or any ride that is fast or might have a drop, actually.  (It took 2 rides and a set of bruises that matched her grip on my arm to learn this). I learned that Granny has more stamina than I ever imagined. And I learned that Disney is the most magical place on Earth!

I could write pages and pages on that trip, recounting all of the joys and the difficulties. And I may revisit this in the future. But, tonight I wanted to focus on a few things:

1. The 5 of us made it 1400 miles in a car, and we all survived. Granted, there were some tense moments, we did it!

2. I was able to walk nearly 40 miles in the week we were gone.

3. I fit in all of the rides that I wanted! 

Yes, my journey continues, and while I am sure that there are many obstacles to come, right now, I am choosing to focus on my new list. I am making a list of things I never thought I would be able to do, that I am doing. Opportunities that I thought were long gone, that are back. Dreams that were laughable, that are now coming true...

Getting ready to ride Expedition Everest with my daredevil!

My view in the Tea Cup!

All We Need is Love

Love. The last 3 days have been focused on love. Mentions of the word abound. But what is love? Is it one thing, that fits nicely in a box? No, like most of the good things in life, it is not. But I am really feeling convicted about love, and my ways of showing and interpreting love. 

According to Merriam-Webster, love is:
a (1) :  strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (maternal love for a child)
   (2) :  attraction based on sexual desire :  affection and tenderness felt by lovers 
   (3) :  affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>
b :  an assurance of affection <give her my love>
2 :  warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a :  the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love>
b (1) :  a beloved person :  darling —often used as a term of endearment 
   (2) British —used as an informal term of address
4 a :  unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as 
   (1) :  the fatherly concern of God for humankind 
   (2) :  brotherly concern for others
b :  a person's adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 :  an amorous episode :  love affair
7 :  the sexual embrace :  copulation
8 :  a score of zero (as in tennis)

Wow. That is a lot. Love is a BIG thing in our world. We use the word all the time. For instance, Sadie and I LOVE this new coffee creamer I found. I LOVE my new earrings. But, is it the kind of word to throw around?  And I think it is great that we have a holiday to celebrate it. However, I strongly feel that it is something we need to address every day. Just like we should feel the awe that Jesus died for us every day, the amazement that God sent him to us as a baby in a manger, and the thankfulness for all of our many blessings. 

However, I do watch television, movies, and I am involved in social media. I realize that this doesn't happen for everyone. Not everyone has a spouse who makes every day feel like Valentine's Day, or are blessed with children who are generally sweet and good-hearted. Not everyone is blessed to have had an awesome mother, and two more women who you like they are your own, to still be a "Daddy's girl" at 40 years old, to have had step-dads that accept you and your family as their own. Not everyone knew the love of 4 great-grandparents, a plethora of aunts and uncles, and a multitude of cousins. That is not counting the friends who were made in elementary school, and are still there today. 

There is a lot of hurt in this world, and I have decided I don't want to contribute. I want to be a person of love. I have started a Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study again, and I love it (see, I did it right there - without even thinking about it!). (Now, I must admit, I am behind, but I am saving all of the emails!) We are reading iKeep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All by Karen Ehman. It is fabulous! I am learning so much. 

Some truths this book has pointed out to me so far are:
1) Our words are powerful, and they have consequences. Well, this is like a slap in the face. I found out this morning that I said something to one of my dearest friends over 8 months ago, and hurt her horribly. I didn't intend to do it. I was sick at the time, and evidently, very thoughtless. So, for 8 months, this friend has suffered. And I have suffered too, because there has been a rift in our friendship, and I didn't know what caused it. Well, now I do, and to you whom I hurt, I apologize. I promise I never intended my words to hurt you. 

2) Our tongue is a dangerous weapon. In James 3: 5-6 (HCSB), it says "So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites. And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is set on fire by hell." I mean, how many times do we spout off, and then wish we could take it back? Um, for me...about 10 times a day! I am sarcastic, and that is not always a good thing. In James 3: 7-8, it says, "Every sea creature, reptile, bird, or animal is tamed and has been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." Yes, every animal can be tamed - but not MY tongue. This is a fact I know personally. James goes on to tell us, in verses 9-12, that a well cannot produce both sweet and bitter water, just like our tongue. We cannot spew words of praise one moment, and words of hurt the next. That doesn't work. And it doesn't show Jesus's love. 

3) The words that come from out of our mouth have to come from our hearts first. Now, I have heard (and believed) this for years. If you say something jokingly that is hurtful, there is a grain of truth in there somewhere. It is how you feel in your heart. In Luke 6:45, Jesus HIMSELF says, "A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart."Basically, words are not accidental, and in the above mentioned episode of hurt feelings, I must have had some bad feelings in my heart. And it hurts to say that, but I will admit it, and ask forgiveness. 

4) How I use my words can often be traced back to the time I spend (or don't spend) with God. That is pretty self-explanatory. I need to spend time with God in order to be attuned to the Holy Spirit when He taps on my heart to tell me to be quiet. (Oh, if God would just use Duck Tape on my lips I would be much better off!)

Those 4 life truths were revealed to me in Chapter 1! And Chapter 2 got even better... 

I am a person who makes her living by talking to people. I talk all day, every day. But I need to learn to listen, and to keep my mouth shut. I don't want my words to hurt the people I come in contact with daily. I want my husband and children to think of loving words. I want my friends to hear loving words. I want people to think of me, and love and kindness. And I believe that is what Jesus wants from us. When I spew words of unkindness, words of hatred, or words of judgement, it is coming from my heart. And I need to work on that. 

So, to anyone I have hurt with my words, I am so sorry! Pray for me, and my ability to keep it shut when I should!

Blessings to you all...
Jolie

Losses and Losses

So, this post will possibly (ok, PROBABLY...yeah, yeah - DEFINITELY) be more scattered than usual. I haven't posted in a while, and I have a lot of questions to answer, and a few things I just want to share with you.

First - The title. You see, I have learned in the past 8 weeks that there are losses, and then there are LOSSES. Yes, there are losses on the scale (Hallelujah!), but you know what, there are a lot more losses too... Good ones, and not so good ones.

Not so good losses: (in no particular order)
#1.  I feel loss for Diet Pepsi. Yes, I KNOW that is stupid, but I do. There is the loss of being able to walk into a store and go right to "your drink." It stinks. I drink water now 95% of the time. But sometimes a girl needs something else, and water with lemon is lacking at times. I have found that I like purple G2, and the lemon Vitamin Water Zero, but I can never find them in a convenience store, so if you see me out with a cooler, please know I am BYOB'ing my G2 or water!

#2. I feel loss for eating as much as I want. This is a biggie. I didn't get to be my size by NOT loving food. I feel like I have always been pretty upfront about that. And they tell you that it can be an issue, but hearing and KNOWING are 2 different things. There are actually 2 aspects to this loss. First, there is the "I really like this and I want to eat more of it" side. I.e. - At Sunday brunch at KOK - I LOVED everything I ate. However, I was only able to eat 1-2 bites of each thing. And I was sad, disappointed, and a little mad. The Chinese buffet is torture, because who wants to eat 1 tiny piece of chicken, when there is A MILLION OTHER THINGS TO TRY! Second, there is the loss of actually eating. I know I only get a few bites every few hours, or I'll be sick, so I weigh my options very carefully. If I don't LOVE it, I don't want to eat it! Who wants to waist any of that 2 ounces on something that is just so-so? Not this girl, I tell you.

#3. I feel loss for meal times with my family. Dinner is an area I struggle with. I do pretty good most days, but at dinner, I don't always feel like eating. However, I have decided I am going to cook healthy and eat with my family. But, it really isn't "fun" to eat anymore. I have to force myself to sit at the table after I finish eating. In fact, they are occasionally still trying to get seconds when I am already up clearing the table. However, I will say that I am making progress in this area. When I first had surgery, it irritated the stew out of me for anyone to have to stop and eat.

#4. I feel loss for the ability to take a pill when my head hurts. Yes, I can still take one, but I'm not supposed to take ibuprofen, and acetaminophen doesn't really work. Plus, I have to time when I can take a pill so that it won't be too much in my stomach at one time. Yes, even a small pill can be too much and push me over the edge. I haven't thrown up yet, but the one time I really wanted to, I had taken my medicine after eating and it was too much!

#5. I feel a loss for bacon. I fixed bacon for the kids for breakfast this morning, and decided I would try some. Well, it was not my friend today. Now, I have had a few little bites here and there, but today I went for a whole piece. That was not the thing for me to do. I have had a tummy ache all day now. Bacon, I don't know why you would do a girl like that...I've been true to you! Oh well, I guess I'll try it again later, and if I don't do better, I will bid bacon goodbye!

Good Losses:
#1. Pounds! At the last "official" doctor's visit, I had lost 36# since Thanksgiving. I am averaging 3+# a week. BUT...I don't lose 3# every week. I have found that there is a lot that influences my weight, not eating enough calories, not eating enough protein, not drinking enough water, how much I exercise etc. So, I may lose 8# in 1 week, then nothing for 3. But, as long as the overall trend is downward, I am good.

#2. Inches! Sometimes, I am not losing "pounds" like I think I should, but I have noticed that I am losing inches. At the last "official" visit, I had lost 7 inches. I can tell it in my clothes a lot some days.  In fact, I had to buy some "soft pants" to wear around the house/gym last weekend. I previously wore a 4x, and at surgery time I could wear a 3x. I bought a 2x this time, and they fit great. I don't have to un-button my jeans to put them on now. :)

To answer the question I get from everyone,  I am doing great. I am the poster-child for a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. My post-op recovery has been great, and I have had not really had any major complications (except this recent bacon catastrophe). I have learned how to get my protein, water, and vitamins in at work. I don't feel deprived most days. And I would do it again in a heartbeat if I had to go back.


However, this weight loss is not the only area I have been journeying in lately. I have really been convicted by God to work on myself in so many other ways. We were blessed to spend most of last weekend at a family conference at our church, and I learned so much. However, I will have to post on that next time...I am sleepy, and now that I am old (Yes, I turned 40 on Monday). Let's just say, God is speaking to my soul now! I remember a song from my childhood that states it best:

He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me!

Until next time....