Mistakes Sometimes Happen for a Reason

I haven’t posted about my journey in a long time, and when I think about it, I think it is because I don’t want this to be just about weight loss anymore. My surgery was a huge part of my life, and it consumed me for a while. It will always be a big dot on the map of my life, but there are so many more dots, big and little on my map, and I want to share some of those as well. 

Today, July 15, is always an odd day for me. You see, twenty-one years ago on this date, I made a mistake. It was a mistake that involved flowers, cakes, bridesmaids, and a preacher. You see, 21 year ago, at 20 years old, I married the wrong man. I knew when he proposed to me, I knew it as I planned my wedding, and I knew it as I stood at the alter. I knew it on my honeymoon, and I knew it most days for the next 3 and a half years. 

There is a quote in the movie Something to Talk About that has always stood out to me, no, not that one! It is a quote that Julia, as Grace says to Jamie, as they are eating pecan pie in the kitchen. 

Him: “I’ll say one thing, you Southern women sure are easy to please.”

Her: “It comes from centuries of being bred to keep our expectations low.”

This is something that I think was true for me. I didn’t have high expectations. I wanted to be married. Now, these were expectations that I had for myself, not that my family had for me. Mama was my driving force, and she encouraged me to wait, but I was insistent. After all, I was 20 years old. I knew better. 

So, all of that being said, July 15 tends to be a date of reflection for me. At first, I had anger. A lot of anger over the happenings. I was angry, and portrayed myself as a victim. I had been hurt by those I loved. I was a “good girl” and those things should not have happened to me. What did I do to deserve infidelity? And, the crux of the situation: Why wasn’t I good enough?

Then, my feelings moved on to embarrassment and shame. How would I ever live this down? Who knew? Who didn’t? Did I have to tell people? What about my kids? And still, shame that I wasn’t enough. 

 Now, I have feelings of joy. Joy that on this day, I am celebrating 17 years of LOVE with a man who dotes on me every day. 17 summers of being “Dan’s girl.” 17 summers of tomatoes, flowers, kids, bluegrass music, floors to be swept, meals to cook. Poor Dan suffered a lot in the early years, because I had trust issues. But now, today, I have no doubts that he loves me. I trust him implicitly with everything in my life. And I am sure, 100% sure, that Dan Reid was sent to me be God, to be my spouse. My best friend. My lover. My other half. 

Today, I want to say that although this is an ugly blip on the map of my life, in the end, it was for the best. I was not in God’s will, and I knew it. I did what I wanted to do. And there were consequences. Consequences that caused hurt to a lot of people. But God did allow it to happen, just as He has allowed me to use what I learned to make changes to myself. Changes to help me be a better wife for Dan, and a better mother to Sadie and Jon Carter. Remember, in Jeremiah 29:11, God promises that He has plans for a future for each of us. Plans to prosper us, not to harm us. Plans for a future. Even when we are stubborn, and ignore Him, we are allowed to return to Him. He can take those negative things and show us how to use them for the positive. 

I don’t often talk about being divorced, but I don’t hide it. I have learned at times that I can use my experience to show that good can come from bad, that survival ( and thriving) is possible, and even that sometimes Mama’s know best, so you should listen to them! 

So, if you see me celebrating tonight, know I not