Do I Have Enough?

So, the journey is continuing, even though I don’t post often anymore. There is just so much going on, and so little time...Work, plays, soccer, homework, dinner, projects, dodecahedrons...You all know the drill, you live it too.
I recently read an interesting book. Daring Greatly, by Dr. Brene’ Brown. One of the things that stuck out the most to me in that book, was that we are a culture of scarcity. We never feel like we have enough. There is not enough time, money, clothes, toys, sleep. We wake up, and the first things we think are that we didn’t get enough sleep, and that we don’t have enough time to accomplish what we want to do. The last thoughts we have before going to sleep - we won’t get enough sleep tonight, and we didn’t accomplish all we wanted to. And I recognized myself in this, and I don’t want to live that way anymore. Dr. Brown also stated that, despite what we might think, the opposite of “scarcity” is not “abundance.” We all think that if we just have more, all of our problems will be solved. Well, I see Dr. Brown’s point. What qualifies as abundance? To some people, just living in the US would be abundance. To some, it is being a millionaire, to some having dinner tonight. Who qualifies that for us? And who of us, when met with abundance actually says, “Well, that’s good. I have abundance, and I am satisfied.” No one I know, for sure. That being said, Dr. Brown states that “enough” is the actually the opposite of “scarcity.” Why, you ask? Well, because we all have to realize that when we have ENOUGH, we should be satisfied. That is not to say that we should never dream. But only that we do have enough, and that should be enough. I don’t have all of the material things I desire. But, Dan and I do have a home with 4 walls. We are warm in the winter, and cool in the summer. We have food in our freezer and refrigerator, and still occasionally go out to eat. We live in a wonderful neighborhood. We have friends and family who love us. Our children get wonderful educations, from a wonderful school district - for FREE. They have clothes, toys, books...We have enough.
However, even though I know I have enough, I have been struggling for the past several weeks. I have had another “blip” on the health radar. I went just before Thanksgiving for my first-ever mammogram. Fun times. (Yep - I know, I am blessed to live in a country where this is the MINIMAL STANDARD of care.) Well, I didn’t think twice about it, until I got a call the next week that I needed some follow-up. Well, if you have ever been there - as you know, the freak-out commenced. But I handled it ok. Minimal freak-out, asked some questions, and tried to gather some information.  Lots of people assured me that this was common on a first mammogram, and I shouldn’t panic. So, I headed out for an ultrasound (which also included a second mammogram.) Wow. What an experience...4 hours in a waiting room full of shirtless, braless women in robes. Fun times. Well, during that time, the ultrasound tech and radiologist did not a 4 cm mass in my left breast, however, they were very reassuring that it did not look cancerous. However, the next step recommended was a needle biopsy and removal, due to the size. Well, at that point, I was in shock. I mean, I am healthier than I have been in years. I was feeling a little blah due to some suspected anemia, but really? This??? Now???
So, after an evening in shock, I did not recover like I wanted to. I just couldn’t get past this. I have been sad, depressed, sleepy, in a funk for two weeks now. Two weeks gone. I have tried to be very particular about who I discussed this with. And it has weighed on me. I have been too weary to put one foot in front of the other during the day, and unable to sleep at night. I have not celebrated this season… I have not shopped. I got no joy out of decorating my tree. I don’t want to cook. I didn’t make it to my work Christmas party. I have been a sad sack. But no more. That changes now. This is my favorite time of year. I love Christmas. I love the Nativity. I love celebrating the birth of Jesus. And this will not stop me. Jesus knows what will happen, and that is ENOUGH. I’m tough. Yes, the biopsy will hurt, but probably no more than I can handle. If the results are not what I want, well, I have Dan. And he has proven his nursing ability over and over. If I don’t get the lump removed prior to December 31, I will just have a headstart on next year’s deductible. If I have to miss work, it will be ok.
So, my first step in celebrating this season is to share this with you and ask for prayers for comfort…
And my next step, to get out of my comfy recliner, take a shower, put on real clothes...And take care of some Christmas business!
Merry Christmas...